What standard are your kids measuring themselves up to?

One of my favorite times of the day is when I get to go and pick my daughter up from school. It is during the drive home that she and I get to catch up on the day’s activities. Our conversations at these times are totally open and honest.

One of the most recent conversations started out with the typical, “Mom, can I ask you something?” To which I always reply, “Of course honey, you can ask me anything.”

I have to admit, what came out of my daughter’s mouth was unexpected. “Mom, what are carbohydrates?”

“Okay,” I thought, “What is prompting this question? Maybe the kids had a discussion about carbohydrates in physical education? That must be it,” I thought to myself. “What is making you ask about carbohydrates, honey?”

Was I shocked to hear what came out of my ten-year-old daughter’s mouth as she continued, “Well, Janie* is only allowed 15 carbohydrates a day, and she says carbohydrates make you fat.”

“Wow!” I thought, “Oh my goodness – these are only 10 and 11 year old girls!” None of which (I can assure you) have any weight issues. So how did I handle the question about carbohydrates? Simple. I explained that carbohydrates are energy, just like all food. It takes energy for your body to function, for your brain to think, and for you to be able to do physical activities.

My daughter seemed to be satisfied with my answer and we continued on to different topics of discussion. The very next day, my daughter announced that Janie has taken up label reading and had begun offering nutritional advice to her classmates. Seems like Janie has become a self appointed dietitian, telling the kids what is good or bad for them to consume. My daughter also announced that she (my daughter) thinks her (my daughter’s) legs are chunky.

What?

I immediately went into one of my processes, shifting my perception and reminding myself that my child is not me. I am a recovered anorexic. My anorexia was the result of a few really awful things I heard as a kid – not things I got from my parents, but things from other kids and their parents. In fact, one adult nick named me ‘blimpo’ – and I heard those things beginning at the age of 12.

So, it was time for me to manage my own energies around my own old stories and old programs. Once I did that, I was better equipped to help my daughter begin to shift her focus on what Janie had said, and start the work on my daughter’s own body image.

From the time that my beautiful child was able to identify herself as separate physically from me, I had begun to tell her that she has a strong and healthy body. I made a point of focusing on what a great job she did when she ran or was jumping rope or whatever activity she was doing.

This recent conversation surrounding carbohydrates and her legs would be no exception. I began to ask my daughter what her favorite sports activities were, to which she answered without hesitation, “Oh volleyball and soccer, Mom, you know that.”

We started talking about the first time she scored the winning point in volleyball and her first goal in soccer. We also talked about how she was such a great server in volleyball (she had used visualization techniques to help her perfect her serve), and how much fun it was when she got the first one over the net.

I then asked her what she thought made her so successful at her favorite sports. Her reply was, “I love to play them! I have so much fun with the girls on the team, I like to practice, and I have a strong healthy body that helps me play”.

Soon, my daughter had shifted her focus from her perception of her legs being chunky to how her strong and healthy body serves her in such a magnificent way.

Personally, I am one of the lucky ones; I have been able to overcome a severe eating disorder, one that I do not wish to pass on to my child. I have never used the word diet in my home. We also limit our television time. There is such focus on being über-thin in the media; it is in print, video, commercials and tween shows. It is really a driving force in advertising. In fact, total tween spending power is said to be more than $221 Billion annually (de Mesa, 2005).

Here are some additional facts that I found to be alarming:

• Adolescents watch an average of 28 hours of television per week.
• American youth spend, on average, 900 hours a year in school, and an average of 1,023 hours a year watching television.
• The average American consumes 11.8 hours per day of media of all kinds.
• Children view more than 20,000 commercials per year.
• 75% of all adolescents spend at least 6 hours a week watching music videos.

In childhood, popular toys such as action figures and dolls have similar body shapes: tall and slender for female figures and tall, slender, and muscular for male figures. The body shapes advertised by these toys, dolls, and media sources are not realistic.

If Barbie were real, her neck would be too long and thin to support the weight of her head, and her upper body proportions would make it difficult for her walk upright. If Ken were real, his huge barrel chest and enormously thick neck would nearly preclude him from wearing a shirt.

If Barbie and Ken Were Real:

If Barbie was a real female       Barbie            Real female

Height (ft, in)                                    7′2″                       5′2″
Chest (in)                                            40                         35
Waist (in)                                            22                         28
Neck Circumference (in)             12                         12.2
Neck Length (in)                             6.2                        3.0

If Ken was a real male                   Ken                 Real male

Height (in)                                          7′8″                          6″
Chest (in)                                            50                           40
Waist (in)                                            43                            33
Neck Circumference (in)             23.4                        15.5
Neck Length (in)                             6.35                         5.5

Source: Statistics from Brownell KD, Napolitano MA. Distorting reality for children: body size proportions of Barbie and Ken dolls. Int J Eat Disord 1995; 18(3):295-298.

So what can you do as a parent to help your children to have a healthy body image?

First, start with yourself and your own body image. Focus on what a magnificent body you have. Your body is what created your children. Acknowledge that as you mature, your body matures with you.

It is as equally important for you to remember that what you see in the media is all an illusion. Print ads have been photo shopped and retouched. What you are viewing is also an illusion, camera angles, lighting, etc. It is all an illusion.

Be supportive of each stage of development that your children are experiencing. With your positive encouragement and focusing on having a strong healthy body, you will be giving your children a foundation of health and acceptance of themselves physically.

Maintain open communication with your children. Listen to the queues they are giving you. Listen to adolescents talk about their health or about any particular health concern; determine if their concerns may be body image related or affecting their behaviors.

Young people may talk about a particular diet they or someone they know are trying, or would like to try; again, seize the opportunity to provide them with nutritionally sound information about myths, misinformation, and dangers related to fad diets. Avoid saying things like, “Don’t eat that – it will make you fat”.

Adolescents may speak in a subtle or a strong way about a disliked part of the body or a concern about eating or food; use their comments as a starting point from which to explore their perception of their body.

In general, be attentive. An adolescent may make a brief comment that could serve as a terrific entrance into a valuable conversation about body image.

Use perceptual shifting to shift the focus off of the negative body image. The conversation I shared with my own daughter is an example of perceptual shifting.

If you’d like to learn more about how to use the Perceptual Shifting tool, along with more simple energy management tools that can make the task of parenting turn from chaos into bliss, join me this Thursday, October 29th, at 9:00PM EST for a complimentary tele-training: The Magnetism of the Awakening Parent. Visit here to find out more!